House Hunting in Chennai

Once we decided to move to Chennai, the next big hurdle was to find a house. Yours truly and the boy friend set out one fine day to start looking for a house. The broker who promised to show us a couple of houses turned up late. So we were waiting at this junction when boy friend gets this idea that we should walk around and look for ‘to let’ boards. If we find any good house that way, we could save the broker fee. So off we go.

The first house that we find is more like a shack on third floor, the roof of which would probably make it an oven in hot Chennai summers. We were more or less decided on the let's not take this house line when the house owner decided to question us. He asks, "Is it for bachelors or family?" We give him that how on earth can you be so dumb looks and say it's for a family. Then he gives us a bigger shock, asking us whose family, his or mine. We finally tell him that we are the family. He is not convinced. He continues looking at me, "So why are you not wearing kumkum, thali, toe rings or any such things which married women generally wear?” I try telling him we are Christians and hence do not follow such customs. Then he is like these days Christians also use these things. (May be the guy believes that everyone who lives in Hindusthan should follow a Hindu way of life. So much for the change that is in the air!)

He adds, how he would know if we were students trying to pass off as married couple. I want to ask him how that matters to him as long as he gets the rent on time; but give up. Since we were kind of decided that this house is not for us, we didn't waste any more time in explaining things. In any case the man did not seem the type who could get convinced by anything that we could have said.

By the time we were back, the broker had turned up and we resumed house hunting with him. After a bit of roaming around, he took us to a house we kind of liked and decided to pay the advance. The house owner did not ask any difficult questions. We gave our names for the rental agreement and anyone could make out that we belonged to different religions. No questions were raised on that or on marriage. May be he thought that since he is overcharging us by a few thousands, the least he could do is to go about it politely.

Around the same time, a friend in Hyderabad who had rented house, says her house owner was so concerned about her marital status that he would ask her every now and then if she was really married. Exasperated, one day she made him sit and watch her marriage video completely.

In a house near ours, a team of bachelors were asked to vacate a rented house, because they were too noisy, their TV was on most of the time, and they had visitors (read girls).

Moral of the story: Single women, unmarried couple, bachelors, rented houses are not meant for you. Get married, follow all customs and traditions meant for married women and if we are satisfied, we might allow you to rent our houses.

സിനിമ, സ്കൂൾ, പിന്നെ ഞാനും

ഇന്ന് ഐ ഐ ടി ഫിലിം ക്ലബ്‌ സംഘടിപ്പിച തമിഴ് ഫിലിം ഫെസ്റ്റിവൽ നു പോയി. ഇന്നത്തെ സിനിമ 'തങ്ക മീന്കൾ'. സിനിമ ഇഷ്ടപ്പെട്ടു.

സിനിമ കണ്ടപ്പോ ഓർമയിൽ വന്നത് പഴയ ഒരു പരീക്ഷാക്കാലം. ഞാൻ അന്ന് രണ്ടാം ക്ലാസ്സിൽ. ഏതോ ഒരു പരീക്ഷ കഴിഞ്ഞു ഉത്തരകടലാസ്സ്‌ തിരിച്ചു കിട്ടുന്നു. (മിഡ് ടേം, ഫസ്റ്റ് ടേം, പിന്നേം മിഡ്  ടേം അങ്ങനെ നമ്മടെ സ്കൂളിൽ പരീക്ഷ ഒഴിഞ്ഞ കാലം ഇല്ല) കണക്ക് പഠിപ്പിക്കുന്ന റജീന ടീച്ചർ ആണ് പേപ്പർ തരുന്നത്. മാർക്ക്‌ എത്രയ എന്നൊന്നും ഓര്മ ഇല്ല. പക്ഷെ എന്റെ പേപ്പറിൽ തെറ്റായ ഒരു ഉത്തരം ശെരിയായി മാർക്ക്‌ ചെയ്തിരിക്കുന്നതായി അടുത്തിരിക്കുന്ന ഒരു കുട്ടി കണ്ടു പിടിച്ചു. (നമുക്ക് മാർക്ക്‌ കിട്ടിയ പോര ബാക്കില്ലോർക്ക് കിട്ടേം ചെയ്യരുതെന്ന ഐ ഐ ടി ലോജിക് തന്നെ അവിടേം) അതും കൊണ്ട് ടീചെര്ടെ അടുത്ത ചെല്ലുന്നു. ടീച്ചർ പറയുന്നു ഞാൻ ചോദ്യത്തിലെ അക്കങ്ങൾ എടുത്തു എഴുതിയത് തെറ്റി പോയതാ. ഞാൻ എഴുതിയ അക്കം വെച്ച് കണക്ക് സെരിയാണ് എന്ന്.

അന്ന് അത് അത്ര കാര്യം ആയി തോന്നിയില്ല. പിന്നീട് ഉത്തരം കാണാപാഠം പഠിക്കാൻ പറ്റാത്തതിന്റെ പേരില്, ക്ലാസ്സിലെ നോട്ടിലെ അല്ലാത്ത ഉത്തരങ്ങൾ എഴുതുന്നെന്റെ പേരില്, കണക്കു വഴങ്ങാതെന്റെ പേരില് ഒക്കെ കിട്ടിയ വഴക്ക് ഓര്ക്കുമ്പോ, പിന്നേ ക്ലാസ്സ്‌ എടുക്കുന്നെന്റെ ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടുകളെ കുറിച്ചു പഠിക്കുമ്പോ, ക്ലാസ്സിലെ മിക്ക കുട്ടികളിൽ നിന്നും വ്യത്യസ്തമായ ചിന്തകളുള്ള പഠന രീതികളുള്ള കുട്ടികളെ കുറിച് മനസ്സിലാക്കുമ്പോ  ഒക്കെ റെജീന  ടീച്ചറെയും ആ കണക്കു പരീക്ഷയെയും ഓര്ക്കും.

ഇത് പോലെ ഉള്ള അപൂർവ്വം  കുറച്ചു ടീച്ചർമാർ പല സമയത്തായി പഠിപ്പിക്കാൻ വന്നു. പിന്നെ ക്ലാസ്സിൽ പഠിപ്പിച്ച ഉതരമല്ലെങ്ങിലും ഞാൻ എഴുതിയ ഉത്തരത്തിലുള്ള ശെരി  കണ്ടെത്തുകയും എനിക്ക് വേണ്ടി വാദിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യുന്ന എന്റെ അമ്മയും. ഇത്രേം കൊണ്ടാണ്  പിന്നീട് വല്യ ക്ലാസ്സുകളിലേക്ക് പോയപ്പോ ഉത്തരങ്ങൾ കാണാതെ പഠിക്കാൻ പറ്റാതെ ഹുമാനിടീസ് വിഷയങ്ങല്ക്കും കാൽക്കുലസ്സാദി കണക്കുകളിൽ കുടുങ്ങി സയൻസ് വിഷയങ്ങല്ക്കും ഒക്കെ മുന്നില് ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടിയിട്ടും പലപ്പോഴും വഴക്കൊക്കെ കേള്ക്കേണ്ടി വന്നിട്ടും പഠിപ്പിനോടും സ്കൂളിനോടും ഒന്നും വെറുപ്പ് തോന്നാതിരുന്നത്. ഇപ്പോഴും പഠിക്കാൻ തോന്നുന്നത്.

നന്ദി രാം, ഈ ലോകം ഒരു ചോദ്യത്തിന് നാലും അഞ്ചും ഉത്തരം ഉള്ളവര്ക്ക് കൂടിയുള്ളതാണെന്ന് ഒരിക്കൽ കൂടി പറഞ്ഞു തന്നതിന്.

Don't Do This to Yourself!

Women, women, women, don't do this to yourself, your bodies. Don't put off taking care of things that bother your bodies until finish the last chore in the house. Don't put everybody else's needs before your needs, at least the medical ones. That pain in the tummy that hurts you, that out of the cycle blood clots that surprised you, that lump in the breast which bothers you - don't ignore any of these. These are symptoms that your body gives to tell you that things are not fine. Your body deserves proper medical care at the right time and if you don't do it, nobody else will!

Juggling with the numerous roles of a career woman, wife, mother, care giver, women tend to ignore or at least procrastinate taking care of their own health issues until the last possible moment. This is more so if the affected parts are female body parts like breast, uterus, ovaries etc. Even educated women associate a certain sense of shame regarding these parts and avoid discussing these outside close female family members even for health issues. All kinds of home remedies are tried and going to a doctor is considered only in case of an emergency. In the case of cancer, delay means death. These kinds of attitudes and social systems cause a lot of delay before the patient gets medical attention and by then it would be too late.

In the case of women, today many simple, non-invasive screening tests like mammogram, pap smear test, etc for different types of cancer are available. These screening tests allow us to detect cancer in its very early stages and get appropriate treatment. In some western countries, doctors advise women to take these screen tests as a part of their routine medical checkups and that helps in detecting, treating and curing various cancers. These tests are available here and are relatively affordable too and it is time we also started making use of these. Early detection is a very important step towards success in the treatment of cancer and hence such tests become all the more important. 

Resolve today to take a better care of your bodies and not to delay seeking medical help in case need arises. 

What We Do to Our Children

      It was a late afternoon. I was a taking a longer but peaceful route home from the department. It was a cloudy but pleasant day. The the four legged denizens were all taking advantage of the lower temperature and were all around the place. As I passed the Kendriya Vidyalaya, I could see kids in small groups on their way back from school.
      A little boy was walking little ahead of me, talking to his friends, happy as any kid would be after the school hours. And then he saw a small puppy walking towards them, wagging his tails. His friends weren't so sure of what to do and they kept their distance. Our hero, the little boy was so happy to see the puppy that he bent down to pat its head and generally to pet the puppy for a while. The puppy started moving towards its mother and the boy followed. The older was bit tensed at first but later relaxed and the boy began to pet both the puppy and its mother, all stray dogs. This friends gathered around them and it was a happy scene.
      And then the boy's mother who was walking a little ahead turned back and saw the boy with the dogs. She started shouting and screaming at the top of her voice asking the boy to leave the dogs. The boy was a bit reluctant and slow it getting. I was so shocked to see what happened next. The lady picked up a stick and broke it into pieces and stared throwing them - at the dogs and also at the boy! And then she dragged the boy away from the scene.
      These are the kind of messages that we give our children. Whatever bit of kindness and sweetness they have inside them we make sure are drained out by the time they grow up. This little boy would get two lessons from this small incident and at his age such impressions will last. First he'll remember that any random act of kindness towards another living being is not generally appreciated. Second he'll learn that violence and cruelty - whether against humans or animals - is acceptable.
     This is what we do to the young children around us. And then we complain these days young people don't have love and affection, the rate of violence is increasing, they are uncaring, and what not. They are learning for what we show them!

On Reading "Writing Octopus"

One evening Veena and I had an outing and came back to the room. We were very happy. We had just got a copy of K. Srilata's latest collection of poems Writing Octopus. We started reading the poems aloud. We liked them. There was small talk, poems, love, and laughter. It was beautiful. There were really nice, sweet, fun filled poems. There is a poem about the bright blue bird that flew into her house and,

"When it flies out, leaves behind

its bright blue.

The blue hops down

Becomes first one word,

and then, another,

till, finally, it assumes the face of a poem. "

Then we got to the poem "Not in the Picture". I had read it before and told her so far that was my favourite in the collection. Then she started reading it aloud. The poem ends,

"this desire,

for certain photographs. If you are not watchful,

it can stab you through the heart."

Once the poem was over, there was total silence. No more laughter, no more words. We just sat looking at each other for some time. 

These moments are what we get from gifted writers and such moments are what making reading poetry a rewarding experience. It is all the more rewarding, if you have the company of someone who loves poetry as much as you do.

Writing Octopus is a wonderful collection of poetry. This is one enjoyable, readable (read to yourself when you are alone, read out aloud when you are on a high, read to each other when you are in good company kind of readable) collection of poems that I have come across recently. Reading this one is pure joy. It has that power to give you moments to remember. The blue bird that dropped its blue, the baby dolphin in the blueness of the ocean, the oysters stolen from the sea and thrown towards the sky, photographs old and new, and of course the octopus will remain with us long after we have finished reading the collection.

Goa Diaries 2 Old Goa

This time we are a large group and thanks to Shyam we have a good bus, packed lunches, and a planned route. We started at 9 in the morning and the first stop was the Basilica of Bom Jesus. This is the magnificent Portuguese church where the relic of the saint Franxis Xavier is kept. The group is let off to explore the Bom Jesus Church, the museum near by, the Cajetan church, and the viceroy's arc. People form groups and get into activities according to their tastes and inclinations. Some bought candles and went inside the churches, some decided to attend the masses, some went on a shopping spree buying junk jewelry, hats etc, Some found a shop that sells chilled beer and camped there en masse, some others like yours truly (lacking such fixed direction in life) just loafed around watching the fun and taking pictures.

Relic of St. Francis Xavier

Cajetan Church

We weren't done with divinity for the day yet. The next stop was Mangesha Temple. Most of us did a quick round of the temple and found time for some quick shopping. If you can bargain well, you can get some good deals from the shops around the temple, especially if you want souvenirs for friends and relatives.

Then we stopped for lunch, again near a wine shop. We made most of the opportunity, combining our biryanis with beers and some really great cocktails. It was at this place that someone from the group discovered the wonders of coconut and rum and generously carried some back to the guest house.

The last and the best stop of the day was Colva beach. If you want to visit Goa on a peaceful, off season trip and have plans to get into the water and have fun, the place to go is Colva beach. The beach is comparatively clean, less crowded, and beautiful. The way the waves come in and cover you and the recede the way it had come has to be experienced. It was in a shack near the beach that we discovered this really great cocktail of Coconut feni, chocolate liqueur, and pepsi. Sunset at Colva and it was stumps on day 1 of the group tour.

Setting Sun, Colva beach

Goa Diaries 1 - Calangute

It is our first day in Goa and it is a Sunday! So off we went to Panaji, the nearest city. After a bit of asking around, figured out that Calangute is a popular beach and we can get a direct bus there. So we decided to start our exploring Goa mission with Calangute. The bus went through a route that reminded my friend of Aleppey and me of Kozhikode.

As the number of restaurant cum bars, shops selling beach wear and bright necklaces and bangles, and wine shops along the road side started increasing, we realised we were nearing the beach. The bus dropped us quite near the beach. One look at the crowd, the bright clothes, shorts and hats, beer bottles and cans in hands, there is no mistaking that you are in Goa.

It was around 12 and both of us were pretty hungry. We followed the crowd and got into this nice looking restaurant and were bowled by the ambiance, the view of the sea from the window.  We ordered cashew feni the first thing. The waiter there told us it goes well with something that has lime and we combined it with limca. It had a kind of hard taste. We combined that with steak, rice, fruits etc. Later we found out that the place is called Souza Lobo and is quite famous.

After the lunch, we ventured out into the beach and had fun watching the crowd, the antics of semi clad people and the violent sea of Calangute. Goa in this season is not ideal for bathing or getting into the water and the coast guard was doing a good job of warning people. We did not venture far into the water; stayed on the safety of the shores and watched the fun.

View from the window

Then we wandered in and out of the various shops selling stuff ranging from liquor to eatables to slippers, clothes and jewelry. There are nice souvenir pieces and quite nice looking German silver jewelry. Since we were going to be in Goa for some time and we had ample time left for shopping we did not buy much.

Then back to catch the bus to Panaji and after some beautiful view of Mandovi along the way, we are in Panaji. From Panaji we take another bus to Goa University. More of sightseeing along the way in terms of the Mandovi, Miramar beach etc and we are back in university guest house. We hit bed that day, two tired but happy people, eagerly looking forward to more of Goa experience.

Note for my Father

What would a father do if his grown up daughter calls him and starts crying/shouting/screaming? Say during the day or in the middle of the night. How many fathers would be able to put their own anxieties and curiosity to the back seat and say things would be fine, knowing well very that the world we live in is not exactly a wonderful place? Especially if the daughter in question has a proven track record of an uncanny ability to land in extremely messy situations? That too when the first insticnt is to enter the stage and do all you can do to protect your daughter. Or at least give the daughter a good long lecture on life? Well my father is a champion of tough situations!
No matter how grown up you are, for a father you are still his little girl. (Mine calls me so even now!) As I said the first insticnt of any father would be to try and get all the information and do everything possible to help his daughter out. It takes a whole lot of effort to understand a daughter's need for privacy and still give that all important support. It is not easy understanding the struggles of somebody living in a world that is so different from the one that you are comfortable with.
If I am to take a stock of all good things that have happened to me so far in my life, on top of the list would be the fact that I have wonderful parents. The kind of support that they have given me in times of both war and peace have been phenomenal.
I am thankful for the confidence that you have shown in me time and again. For all our quarrels, disagreements, and ego clashes, I love you, I love you, I love you.

On Playing Badminton

I'm not a games or athletics kind of person. My interest in sports is limited to live telecasts of cricket and tennis matches. (This can be cultivated as a hobby if you have the right company. I was lucky enough to get some nice people around wherever I go - Keerthi in Palakkad, Meera and Meenu at HCU) Well, I always read my newspaper backwards, that is starting from the sports page. The logic is in case I don't get time to read it completely I will miss only the political dramas and not the interesting stuff. 

The only game that I have shown any kind of interest outside television is badminton. During school days, when our school championship dates are drawn, we used to clean the vacant lot in our colony. There used to be this small plot that was just enough for a badminton court. A net was tied, the court was marked, and the matches began. The carnival begins as soon as the classes are over and continues till its too dark to make out the shuttlecock. At a set of sweating stinking school kids get back home, tired but happy. Once the championship at school ends, the net is pulled down, the court forgotten and the kids pulled down into an endless chain of class tests, quizzes, midterm tests, and term exams.

After school, I have been roaming around - college hostels, PGs, apartments - I've always been on the move. I haven't had the kind of friends, time, or space for any kind of games. 

Last week one day I was in my hostel room, reading something, when a girl from the next room came asked me if I would like to play badminton with her. Now we are not close or anything. When we happen to meet we do chat casually, asking the kind of stupid questions that we know are stupid, but ask anyway.  So that's the kind of friendship that I share with her. Anyway I decide to play and go down with her. We start playing.

It felt good; the feel of a playing, running around. I generally find it difficult to run or engage in any kind of activity that puts strain on me due to my asthma. But playing badminton did not make feel any kind of breathing trouble. In spite of the fact that I was sweating and taking a bit of strain, I felt fine, perfectly healthy. I was happy too.

Then we started talking – about classes, courses that we have signed up, families, home town, food in the mess and a lot of other things. During that half an hour we bonded like we haven’t done in last two months!

“Do you have a boy friend?”

“Yes. You?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t find anyone nice.”

“You will find someone soon.”

We wouldn’t have had such a personal conversation though we live in adjacent rooms if weren’t playing together that day. It was definitely the beginning of a new friendship.

 Half an hour of badminton left me tired, sweaty, happy and feeling much better about life in general. It also gave me a new friend. All you need to make life seem better are simple things like this.

Thoughts on a Roosting Crow

One day during my post dinner walk through the campus, I saw a solitary crow roosting on a rather low branch. There was no other crow on that tree or any of the trees nearby. I checked the tree once more to make sure. Yes, there it was – a single crow probably fast asleep in a world of crowish dreams. I found that rather strange for I thought crows generally gather together for night roosts, mostly on the same tree night after night. 

I was reminded of my days in Mercy campus. A small campus comfortably settled little outside the hustle and bustle of Palakkad town. Those of you who have had an opportunity to live in that campus would remember the crows. By around five in the evening they’ll start coming on ones and twos and by six the whole place is drowned in the cacophony. There is a lot of noise, so much of moving around –  fighting for a favourite place, may be for a seat next to a particular lady, sharing notes on how good or bad the day had been, settling family quarrels, the list goes on. By the time the party finally settles down, it’s dark. Then it is all quiet, time to sleep. Come early morning, the crows are up much before any of us in the hostels. Without much ado these early birds depart to different places to catch the proverbial worm. Nobody lingers in the hostel premises. May be experience taught them too that mess food is not really worth it. By evening they are back! Those huge trees in our campus have been favourite roosting sites for generations of crows.

Well, so that is how I thought crows generally behave. Even if they forage alone or in small groups, roosting time was when they believed in strength in numbers. And there was this crow, all alone. Maybe he was a rebel, and did not believe in following the norm. Perhaps the crow believed in staying far from the madding crowd. :P It could have been an old crow that did not feel like it could make to the roosting site that may be far away. There is a possibility of the crow being a social outcast and hence unable to join the others. Did the crow feel lonely? Do crows also have the urge like humans, to be socially acceptable, to do things that are ‘cool’ so that they can stay in a group? Did this crow brave all such temptations and decided to make a statement by staying alone?

The next day when I went for my walk I looked for the crow, it was not there. It is more than a week since I saw my crow, all alone on a low branch. I do not know if it had gone back to its group or if it had chosen a roosting site, all for itself, far away from the prying eyes of nosey research scholars. But every day when I pass that tree, I look up, to check whether my lonely crow is there.

Father goes to work. Mother cooks food.

So now I am a research scholar. Don't ask me researching on what, I don't have much of an idea other than the broad area. All you need to do is attend a few mandatory courses, read up a little bit and then generally loaf around. One of the mandatory courses involved a session on communication. The session deals basically with how you speak, how you write, and how you present your information.

There is a male professor, a room full of students, three fourth of whom are students, AC lecture hall, projector, and a PPT to be projected. The class begins. This professor was teaching us how placing stress on different words in a sentence makes a difference to the meaning. Of all the sentences that he could use, the one the man could think of was: "A woman without her man is nothing."

1. A woman without her man is nothing.

2. A woman without her man is nothing.

3. A woman without her man is nothing.

4. A woman without her man is nothing.

5. A woman without her man is nothing.

I surprised me that a professor who has been teaching in a reputed institute, like an IIT, could not think of a better sentence. A sentence that was not demeaning or disturbing to at least 25 per cent of the class, a sentence that did not hurt. It was not a discussion on gender. There was no need to use a sentence like this. A simple "The sun rises in the east" or "Take the dog for a walk." would have served the purpose. But no; irrespective of what subject you are teaching, which kind of audience you are teaching, you need to make a point that women are nothing without the men. Are men this insecure?

All this while I thought it was the school text books which told us "Father goes to work." and "Mother cooks food." were the worst culprits. Your teacher then told you boys help father in the garden and girls help mother in the kitchen. I thought once you grow up and go to colleges, universities, IITs, things will change. I am wrong. In humanities departments we boast of being more aware, more sensitive to the issues of gender, caste etc. We consider ourselves to be liberal, progressive, sensitive and what not. And then we do things like this. It is one thing to preach equality and gender sensitivity and another thing to think of what you say and do in your classrooms.

I learnt my lesson. There is no point in growing up and leaving school and going to fancy institutes. They still give you the same crap. 

Platinum Days of Love

All these platinum day of love ads that come in magazines remind me of Sita; of her ring of love. She was colleague. Sita somehow did not seem to fit into the corporate office and the crowd that surrounded her. She came to office dressed in silk sarees and jewellery that reflected her ancient royal family. However, her sweet nature did not have even a small trace of either corporate stiffness or royal arrogance. She was sweet and friendly, often finding time to chat with everyone on the floor. She knew almost everyone in the office, their families and even their pets! At times, the more sophisticated ones around us made fun of her friendly nature.

She was quite friendly with me. One day she came to my cubicle for a casual chat. We were discussing that one topic of perennial interest to Malayali women - gold jewellery. She had a wonderful collection and always gave us tips on buying jewellery. For some reason, I noticed the chain that she was wearing and casually remarked that it did not resemble the traditional 'thali' or mangalsuthr. Then she told me, "I don't consider that important anymore and I don't wear one. I have reached a stage in life where I have to stop doing things to please people. I do not consider marriage the most important thing in my life right now. I have realised the futility of such symbolic stuff. After an early marriage and bringing up children and all that, I've had my share playing the home maker. Now, my career, my independence, and the work that I do are all as important to me as my family."

And then she showed me something wonderful. A ring - a heart set in gold. "Look at this. I made this ring few years back. I melted down two separate rings - one gifted by my grandmother and other by my mother. I melted those down and made this one. I wear this all the time, in memory of the two most remarkable women who have made me what I am today. Wearing this gives me strength. As a woman, this means a lot to me. They have helped me grow. They have helped me to think, to dream, and to be independent. Wearing this means a lot to me."

To say I was moved by her words would be an understatement. I thought it was beautiful. It is a wonderful thing, this sense of a whole line of women, who have borne you, fed you, brought you up, and empowered you. 

Justice

The queen sat on the high throne
The court was ready for the day's proceedings
There was a vacant look in the victim's eyes
As she stood there, pleading for justice.

The queen used her most benevolent voice
Rape, we think is a serious crime
We encourage women who come and report this.
Here, 500 gold coins for your courage.

And then, they promised her gold coins
For all the lewd questions she has to answer
For each horrid detail that she will describe
A coin for each scar on her body.
And a few more if you are a minor.

The jingle-jangle of gold coins,
To wash away the pain, the hurt,
To sooth the battered soul.
And thus they go on,
Fixing an amount to each of your sufferings.

In this land of indifferent rulers,
and ultra rich gods,
Gleaming gold coins account for everything,
Dignity, self-respect and even lives,
of very much dispensable human beings-
The common man, aam aadmi, the mango people.

അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം....

ഇടവ മാസത്തിലെ രേവതി നാള്‍. ഈ ഭൂമിയില്‍ അവതിരിച്ച സു(?)ദിനം... അതിരാവിലെ 8 മണിക്ക് എണീറ്റപ്പോള്‍ ഇന്നലെ ചെറുതായിട്ട് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന പനി കുറച് കൂടിയിട്ടുണ്ട്. കൂടെ നല്ല ചുമ. മൊബൈല്‍ എടുത്തു നോക്കിയപ്പോ അച്ഛന്റെ മിസ്സ്‌ കാള്‍. വിളിച്ചപ്പോ പിറന്നാള്‍ ആശംസകള്‍. അച്ഛന്‍ രാവിലെ എണീറ്റ്‌ കുളിച് അമ്ബലത്തില്‍ പോയി മകള്‍ക്ക് നല്ല ബുദ്ധി ഒക്കെ തോന്നാന്‍ പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥിച് വന്നിട്ടുണ്ട്. ഉച്ച ആയിട്ടും പനിക്ക് വല്ല്യ കുറവൊന്നും ഇല്ല. പിറന്നാള്‍ പ്രമാണിച് നല്ല ഫുഡ്‌ വല്ലോം കഴിക്കാന്‍ പുറത്തു പൊയ്കളയാം എന്ന പ്രതീക്ഷയും അതോടെ തീര്‍ന്നു. ഒരു ഉറക്കം കൂടെ കഴിഞ്ഞു ബോര്‍ അടിച്ചു ഇരിക്കുമ്പോ വല്ലതും വായിക്കാം എന്ന് കരുതി അടുത്തിരുന്ന പുസ്തകം എടുത്തു തുറന്നു "ഡല്‍ഹി എ നോവല്‍ ബൈ ഖുശ്വന്ത്‌ സിംഗ്" നല്ല ഐശ്വര്യം ആയിട്ട് വായിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ പുസ്തകം! പിന്നെ കുറെ ഫ്രണ്ട്സ് ഒക്കെ വിളിച്ചു. അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം. അങ്ങനെ അതി ഗംഭിരമായ പിറന്നാള്‍ ആഘോഷങ്ങല്ടെ അവസാനം നടത്തിയ എസ്എംഎസ് അവലോകനം "വാട്ട്‌ എവെര്‍ യു ഡു, അറ്റ്‌ ദി ഏന്‍ഡ് ഓഫ് ദി ഡേ ഇറ്റ്‌സ്് ലൈക്‌ ലൈഫ് സക്സ് ബിഗ്‌ ടൈം!"
ഇത്രേം നല്ല പിറന്നാളുകള്‍ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഇടക്കിടക്ക് ഉണ്ടാവണേ ഈശ്വരാ .........

In the Green Room

Ghosts of Newyear Past

New Year 2005
- St.Xavier's College Ahmedabad
Joy of new year dampened by the tsunami tragedy. Chilly winter, Mid night mass, countdown and cheering, cake and wine, long queue for midnight phone calls, joy of new formed friendships

New Year 2006
- College Hostel, Palakkad
Not much of a celebration. In the middle of the night, there was a short circuit somewhere and we all had to run out of the hostel. Adding some spark to the new year!

New Year 2007
- Home, Cherpulasseri
A small small neighbourhood celebration. Few games, little music, cake, food, togetherness, loads of love

New Year 2008
- Campus, Hyderabad
Winter chill, love, Hyderabadi food, long walks in the night, cold winds, a card(which a shredded later on in a moment of madness), VC rocks, friends, bonfire, freedom,

New Year 2009
- Apartment, Delhi
New Year party on a chilly winter night, big bonfires, music, dancing, meeting people, real good food, nice roommie, a tinge of loneliness

New Year 2010
- Hostel, Calicut
New year party in room, two of my all time best friends and rommies, @Ojins with Indu, back to room, stock of real nice food, booze, music, fun, pictures, pointless talk, more booze, food, friendship,

New Year 2011
- Bangalore
????

Reflections on the New Year Eve

Boredom
Sense of loss
Nonsense
Books
Love
Sorrow
fun
Passion
Hope
I was trying to put together words that define the passing year in my life. There were good moments, there were bad ones. There was sorrow, of parting, of losing, of having to move on. Things that leave a bad taste.
I've moved into a new place - my 'hole in the wall' that I've begun to love. I got to read a whole lot of good books and enjoy all those lazy evenings in the solitude of my room reading some nice book. Started loving this city and the life that it offered.
I've travelled to at least some of the places that I've always wanted to see. There was an Udupi - kollur trip that was really pleasant and enjoyable. Then there was this mudumalai-masinagudi-ootty trip which was thrilling and relaxing. Then there are a whole lot of places that I've wanted to visit, but never got to :(
Then there is this endless waiting. Waiting for things to happen. Waiting for things that never happen, waiting for people who never turn up....
There is a pain when people go away, when you leave places, when movies end, when you reach the last page of a beloved book, when love fades away, when your favorite shop closes down, when a journey ends, when you give up things... the same feeling comes up when a year ends. A year that has brought in a whole gamut of emotions ranging from agony to Ecstasy, pain to joy, hollowness to fulfillment is slowing making it's exit.
And then there is hope. Hope that the coming year is going to bring something nice, something memorable. Hope that builds up during the beginning and then goes on diminishing as the days progress, something like the waxing and waning of the moon. Nevertheless, in the beginning, there is Hope...

Happy Ano Sir?

"Happy alle sir?" (You are happy. rt?)
That was the first question Shan used to asked us every morning. It was a rhetoric, not expecting a serious answer. we used to take that in a light vein and answer "yes sir". There was a genuine friendship amognst us and we had time and space to share our joys and sorrows with eachother.

That was quiet sometime back and today we all have moved into distant places and bigger offices where nobody asks (or even cares) if you are happy. Here we meet daily, greet eachother, discuss stuff related to work, and go back home.One fine morning, we were shocked to hear the announcement from the management that one of our managers passed away due to 'health issues'. Much later, we learnt that this man, with a 4 year daughter, who is very much attached to him, has taken his own life. He had a great job, a 6 digit salary, own house in bangalaore, a new car - everything matrial that one can wish for. Why then did he do this? None of us had any clue. Just the other day he had talked with us, took a smoking break with some others and was his usual cheerful self. What was it that plagued him so much to drive him to such a drastic step? we will never know!


We, who spend hours in discussions and meetings called project reviews, team meeting and many other such stuff, do not know a thing about the folks sitting around the same table. Why does it happen? Why is it that we do not have the time or need to know about others, understand the people who work with us? What happened to the good old days when people really cared?

When the management realised something's wrong, they decided to conduct a stress management program. They gor the trainer whose biodata reads "She is a Master/Teacher of Reiki, Pranic Healing, Magnified Healing, Acupressure, Aroma therapy, Yoga, Meditation, Hypnosis, Melchizedek Method of hologram healing, Feng Shui, Tai chi and NLP. Using all the above sciences she has healed over 1,000 people." These are the people who get paid (real huge amounts) to listen to the worries and problems of other people and then give some kind of advice. Something our grandmas and auties used to do all the time, without getting(or expecting to get) paid ofcourse.

I don't know about others, but for me, all I need to manage stress is someone to ask me the good old question, "happy alle sir?". And, would actually wait for an answer.

Are We Safe?

Just the day before we were all reading the verdict of the Prathibha murder case. The newspapers were full of articles regarding how this shocking incident changed the whole approach to providing a secure work and travel atmosphere to women employees. Many It companies changed their policies, many rules and regulations were established regarding this. Today, after all these, how women-friendly are our cities?

This very shocking and humiliating experience happened to a girl I know. She is working in one of those bing Indian multinationals in Bangalore. One day she left office at 8 p.m. and was walking home. It was not a very isolated or remote area, there were lot of people around. As she walked, a man who was stading at the roadside moved closer, took a sip of water from a bottle in his hand and spat the whole thing on to her face. She was shocked, scared and humiliated beyond words. As the man laughed out aloud, people around made a half-hearted effort to catch this guy. He threatened them with the bottle in his hand and ran away.She walked home with tears of hurt and humiliation streaming down her face.

We are not speaking about remote villages where women still remain inside the four walls of the house. This is Bangalore, and we are speaking about a professionally qualified girl who would probabaly have a fat pay cheque. Does education and high paid jobs really make things easier for girls?


We take things seriously when something as big as rape or murder happen. The newspapers get a sensational news item and they run the story for days together. Nobody really cares for things like these. Many girls put up with things like these - wilful acts of humiliation. For newspapers, policmen and spectators these are 'minor incidents'.

Why is it that in this country some bastard could do this and then walk away just like that? Why do we always lead our complacent lives believing things like that happen to someone else?

All in a Day's Work

location: my workstation
Time 10 a.m.

Hp: good morning ma'm
Me: Good morning. Why are u late?
HP: Ma'm my mom's not well. She is admitted in a hospital.
Me: oh really? What happened? How's she now?
Hp: She had a fall. She had an operation yesterday. her leg is bandaged. Now she will have to be in the hospital for a month or so.
Me: Is it? Then who is at the hospital?
Hp: I'll have to go. There is nobody else.
Me: That's fine. You can leave. Do you want some cash or anything?
Hp: No thanks. I guess I can manage.
Me: ok then. take care.

Location: Boss' cabin
Time: 10.30 a.m.

Me: Good morning sir
Boss: Good morning
Me: Sir did you know about Hp's Mom?
Boss: Yes I did. That was so unfortunate. What would be the effect of all this?
Me: He will have to remain in the hospital. I have already told him he can leave.
Boss: What I meant was how would this affect our projects?
Me: I can't ask him to work in this this kind of a situation.
Boss: May be he can take the laptop to the hospital and work from there.
Me: !!!!